Comic Genius

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Cashback

It’s the day before leaving the Hays of America after a short Christmas stay. My friend/rock Tyson and I are Hastings after a chicken dinner at the local favorite, Al’s Chickenette. With full stomachs in tow, we browsed the aisles in an uninterested fashion. Tyson rented The Film Crew dvds while I just marinated in my own indecisiveness.

After the third “lap” around the dvds, I noticed a film that I had wanted to see for some time. True to form, Hastings only had one copy and I decided that this was as good a time as any to see it. Tyson and I made our way to the checkout counter. He made remarks at the girls half coat ensemble while I gave my usual dose of sidekick banter. I miss him more than words can say.

Later that evening I finally popped the dvd in. Almost immediately after the film began, I was hooked. The main character, Ben, is a student in Art School that has just broken up with his girlfriend. The art direction of the slow paced frames intertwined with his beautiful narration of the scene are comedic perfection.

Ben then discovers that he cannot sleep and all he can think about is his estranged lover. Days turn into weeks and during one of his latenight excursions, he notices a help wanted sign for the latenight shift. Naturally he decides to bank on his insomnia and takes the job (hence the name, Cashback.) His new digs offer him the opportunity to people watch along with his ability to “freeze time.” In some of the most beautifully shot scenes that I’ve seen this year, he captures the essence of their beauty on paper. During these evening workings, there are seamless transitions back to his childhood. There the audience discovers that his fascination with beauty began at a very early age and carried on through his adolescense.

In a real time moment set in the employee locker room, a conventional moment is shared between himself and fellow employee, Sharon. From there he begins his crush and fascination with her. She becomes his unknowing muse and through their off hours, they form the budding of a relationship. Unfortunately, like every “to good to be true” scenario, a misunderstood kiss between Ben and his ex-girlfriend sends Sharon into a tizzy.

When all is lost, Hollywood usually comes in to save the day and this movie is of no exception. Typically I HATE the stereotypical happy endings, but my inner sap glowed at this one. In the mail Sharon recieves an invitation to Ben’s first opening. She goes and the scene in which she walks into the gallery is one I will never forget. It’s cheesy and absolutely heart warming. There she realizes that she is the true object of Ben’s affection. Her image is strewn throughout the walls of the gallery and at the center of it stands Ben. Yes, I’m a cornball and usually this pinnacle of cliche, but wait…there’s more. He then asks her if she trusts him and she answers yes. They then become frozen in time and run out into the snow to warmly embrace. Heart-shaped frames all around, however I don’t care because I LOVED it. In fact I loved it so much that I watched it two more times (unashamed.)

I think the intriguing aspect of the film besides the beautiful directing, was just the overall tone of the film. The music was subtle, yet moving. The scenes were slow, yet poignant. Maybe it was his accent in combination of the fact that he was a painter…maybe it wasn’t. Whatever it was made me believe in the magic that is love and the fact that I need to meet more artists in the city.

Despite the critical disclaim and with Once being a close runner-up, it’s my favorite movie of 2007. Yeah, I said it…blow me.

Text Message Fiasco

I had a burrito for dinner a couple Thursdays ago at Chipotle in Washington, D.C. It turns out that at Front Page there are $2 Coronas. It was like Cinco de Mayo, but really f*cking cold. Being in the Latin mood, I decided to roll over there. Several hours later, I realized getting home would be a challenge. The following is an exchange between my brother and I where I posed as my friend Stevo in order to convince my brother I was in desperate need of help. My brother displays no sense of concern, whatsoever:

9:36 PM CC: Whereare yjou? Im still in reston… Could maybe pick u up

9:50 PM CC: In dc of ballston?

9:51 PM CC: Ill pick u up from the metro.. Va square?

10:10 PM MC: How bout gtown?

11:11 PM MC: Where you at?

11:12 PM CC: On the way home… U?

11:12 PM MC: Can u get me?g

11:18 PM MC: Need help

11:24 PM CC: Where r u?

11:24 PM MC: Front page

11:24 PM CC: Get your ass in a cab

11:35 PM MC: No cash

11:36 PM MC: I camt walk

11:37 PM CC: metro

11:37 PM MC : Cant move. hes puking

11:41 PM MC: This is steve. hes fucked up

11:50 PM MC: Call me fag

My brother never called. I cabbed it home and beat him by 30 minutes. It cost me $22.

Giving Life the Finger

This past month I have suffered several hand injuries. Being a guitar player, one might think I would take extra special care of my fingers and hands, kind of like when George Constanza wore mittens when he was a hand model in Seinfeld. Ironically, the first of my hand injuries came on a night when I was actually wearing a oven mitt. The following is a comprehensive list of what I remember.

November 22, 2007:

My right index finger is lacerated unbeknownst to me (see “Thanksgiving Intervention Reminiscent of High School Tangin’ Lessons”). The injury takes place between 11 PM and 1 AM the next day. Blood finds its way onto walls, cabinets, bed sheets, and bathroom sinks before the gash is controlled. This injury takes a little over 72 hours to heal.

December 7, 2007:

A wet Metro escalator causing a horrendous fall (see “Why I Hate Metro – Pukefest 2007″. The fall not only injuries my ankle, but cuts my middle and ring finger on my left hand in two places. The injury requires at least 22 band-aids and, thus, the humiliation of wearing a visible band-aid after the age of 14.

December 12, 2007:

A toaster malfunction heats my Pop Tart frosting to a dangerous temperature. In my attempt to save my burning Pop Tart, my middle finger on my left hand suffers a third degree burn. This injury requires me to go to the nurse. She applies prescription burn cream (Question to Ponder: Why would there be a crappy version and a prescription version. Aren’t burns pretty well shitty no matter what?) I later find out that Pop Tart burns are the #1 cause of burns in America each year. I would guess it is pancake griddles or Foreman grills. This injury takes nearly 10 days to heal, and, again, causes me to suffer the humiliation of wearing a band-aid to work for one full week. There’s nothing less serious than a man in a suit with a band-aid on his hand.

A word of advice: take good care of your hands. At least you have them. Oh, and DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE Google image search “finger injury” without your safesearch on.

Once…Twice…Three Times a Concert

The first time the Sounds and I met was in Lawrence, KS about 5 years ago [jesus I feel old]. It was at a venue called the Bottleneck and they were the second band after Palo Alto opening for Rooney. As soon as they took the stage a surge of energy was felt throughout the audience. Everyone was moving parts they didn’t think they could move and eyes were locked on the lude/sexy motions of Maja Ivarsson. I will never forget during “Living in America” when she crouched down on top of the base drum, threw the mic up in the air, jumped off doing the splits and caught the mic in sync with song. It was upstaging at it’s best and I was hooked.

With baited breath, I saw the Sounds a second time a few years back with some friends from college. This time the show was at the Granada in Lawrence and we were stoned out of our minds. Mikell and I had managed to make our way down closer to the stage and despite my toes being trampled on, it was well worth it. Maja climbed down in the audience and started parting the crowd in a fashion that moses would have deemed worthy. At one point I could have sworn she was laughing at my t-shirt that read “my parents beat me and I turned out fine,” but probably not. Like I said, I was in another state of mind.

Since the two previous shows being absolutely stellar, the likelihood of lastnight’s show kicking ass seemed promising and it was. The Biff (aka Glassman) met me at Webster Hall in the city. For those of you who have not been to this venue I strongly advice that you check it out. I’ve now been there twice now and so far is probably my favorite venue besides the Bowery Ballroom.

Anyway…back to the show. As we made our way inside I noticed that one of sponsors of the show was Camel No. 9 cigarettes. I’m not going to lie, I smoke on occassion and the look/packaging of these camels doesn’t help me in my quest to quit completely. So when I saw 10 foot illuminated boxes, I wanted to say “yes” to the nicotine demons once again. Damn you pretty packaging! BUT I digress…

Pretty lights aside, this was also my best friend’s FIRST indie rock show ever. You can imagine how I felt. Somewhat like a proud teacher/woman who was about to give birth. The expectations were very high and my heart was racing to get the show started.

After having a few drinks and getting a few beers, Josh Grobin started playing in the speakers. I immediately started laughing and got situated so that we would have a descent view of the stage. Suddenly the Sounds came on and the crowd went APE SHIT! It was invigorating! True to form the boys were exposing their cute chests and sporting their trendy dos. Maja was sporting some leather underwear looking shorts with a leather top while wearing heels to complete the black ensemble. I will probably catch flack for saying this but she looked A-MAZING! It takes a brave woman to man handle an audience and that was definitely the outfit to do it in.

Almost immediately after entering the stage they started laying down the hits and getting the kids excited. While the boys were busy strumming, drumming and pounding, Maja was doing everything else. Singing, yelling, bending down, kicking up, splits, jumping, spitting, drinking, throwing…etc. You name it, she probably did it and then some. Brilliant stage presence.

The best part of the whole show was the fact that Morningwood [yank] didn’t show up and because they are extremely loyal to their fans, they played an extra long set. By the time they came of the second time, Glassman and I had made our way down to the stage and were in the thick of it all. A perfect ending to an absolutely perfect concert.

Go buy their albums today and see them tommorrow.

Presidential Politics – Wtf?

From an e-mail I got sent to me, here is one of the campaign updates:

“Huckabee will make his largest ad buys in IA, NH and SC this week (Politico). However, allegations that one of Huckabee’s sons “was involved in the hanging of a stray dog at a Boy Scout camp” in ‘98 “could hurt Huckabee” (Newsweek).”

What are these presidential elections coming to?  The kid grew up in Arkansas and was at Boy Scout camp. I have been to 4-H camp and it can be a frustrating place. After one good campfire where mosquitos mistake your testicles for a Golden Corral, it is difficult to have affinity for nature.

But the bigger question is, why does it matter? Does that Mr. Huckabee a worse president? Come on, folks.

Rolling Stoned?

Remember when Rolling Stone was a pseudo-political yet trusty magazine, supplying the masses with cool, new tunes like a drug dealer pushing some new herb with “the purple stuff” from California? The 90’s sure were swell. Today, Rolling Stone is more like a homeless man trying to sell shit-on-a-stick as a chocolate popsicle. Evidence came today, as Rolling Stone tried to pass off it’s Top 100 Songs of 2007 list.

I really can’t explain how these songs were picked. Although, three plausible scenarios come to mind.

1. The writer of the story, completely shit-canned from the staff holiday party, forgot to turn in a story, so s/he decided to just copy his 2007 iPod playlist for his article to avoid handing in nothing. This is the old “a piece of shit with a bow on it is better than a naked, chunky piece of shit” method that usually only works with high school algebra homework. So long as something is on the paper, you get credit.

2. The other realistic scenario is that a Rolling Stone building janitor was looking at porn on a writer’s computer and discovered the list. He then changed it to his songs. This one is less plausible, because Mexicans don’t listen to Soulja Boy (see #21 on the list).

3. The writer was stoned.

In any event, the list sucks. Here are the highlights, if you want to call them that.

-”Roc Boys” by Jay Z took the top spot. I guess this is the song that will be played for years and remind of 2007. Oddly, I have never heard it.

- Randy Newman still writes music? WTF? He took the #2 spot.

- 50 Cent’s “I Get Money” made the list. This is big news because IT MAY BE THE WORST SONG EVER.

- Soulja Boy (#21) sqeaked it out past Arcade Fire (#22)

- That piece of shit “Same Girl” song by R. Kelly and Usher came in at #26. Can somebody explain this?

- Nickelback made it in at #100. This is actually refreshing to know they were that low.

- Finally, Band of Horses was not overlooked. Although they were snubbed, coming in at a balmy 93.

Send me your comments on the list, or on songs you would rank higher.

Stink, Stank, Stunk

So as a fellow nyc worker, I commute from Queens by riding the subway on a daily basis. Never have I thought I would be as  priveleged as I was yesterday when I sat myself down on the train as usual, thinking it would be a quite normal day.  I was graced with an intolerable smell coming from within the train. I tried as I may to mind my own business, but I had to start looking around, because the smell just kept getting worse and it was beginning to make me ill. Then I find myself staring at this poor homeless man, knowing damn well it was his odor. This smell was not just a simple B.O. smell…HELL NO!!! It was the mixture of Urine, Feces, Dead Cat, and even a pinch of Pigeon Puke Delight. It Reeked! I’ve never endured such a foul aroma in my 25 years of existence. This man was shooting off fumes like you wouldn’t believe. I felt a Green Cloud hovering over my head and there was nothing I could do because the train was packed and there was no where to turn. So I resorted to a state of desperation. I began smelling my hand b/c it had lotion on it hoping the nice fragrance would overcome the bad. Nope, not this time…NOTHING I could do could make me win this battle. My nostrils were beginning to flare and I was starting to gag. I honestly thought I was going to lose my breakfast. I was hiding in my scarf hoping, just hoping each time we stopped he would remove himself…but damnit he just wouldn’t budge! Finally….Finally after 20 minutes of pure torture I was able to scurry out and be on my way. However, there was definitely aftermath. I am still able to imagine the stench. He is still in my mind, and will probably not go away for quite awhile.  The smell remained in my presence for a good hour after I left the subway yesterday. I just can’t imagine anyone having to go through what I went through. I am most definitely not one to discriminate, but damn we should find a way for the homeless to shower, because this issue is  just not feasible man. I almost lost my cookies due to the poor guy.  Anyhow, I spoke my mind. I spoke the truth. Thanks to all who read my story…have a great weekend.

G

MC’s Music Report

Ok, I’m a day late and $27 short (because of an incident involving burritos and $2 coronas) but here are my music picks for yesterday: 

 ”Get it Together” – The Go Team

“Could You Would You” – Scrabbel

“Allo Allo (Hellow I Love You” – Les Sans Culottes

“10 to 1″ – Rogue Wave

“Lover Girl” – Sarah Jeff

MC’s Music Report

So sometimes at work I need a little music to keep me going. I have discovered that streaming online radio stations are a good way to learn cool new songs and artists. I found a great site with a list of some of the best online radio stations at www.shoutcast.com.

Some of the cooler songs I heard today have been:

“Get Mad” by Kyle Andrews

“Collission Theory” by Eux Autres

“Getting Away with Murder” by Sahara Nights

I will try to update you with songs I hear that are cool. I should mention that my computer has the default speakers so I can’t really tell if the bass sounds cool or not. So basically I am just guessing if these are cool. But you know me… I wouldn’t let you down.